Thursday, May 15, 2014

Fantasy Advertisements

I really wanted to come up with some sort of a witty title for this post, but in that regard wit unfortunately proved elusive. Still, there is something to be said for being straight to the point.

Something of a rarity for me … but I digress.

Writing that post about dragons—Fire Inside the Mountain—a few weeks back set me to thinking, especially once I discovered that Craigslist listing for a dragon slayer. Brilliant, wasn’t it?

I couldn’t help imagining some of the crazy things you would see listed if internet ads existed in any of the fantasy realms. So I thought I would explore some of the options …

Wanted: Prince Charming, Gillian Bronte Adams, Of Battles Dragons and Swords of Adamant, fantasy

Just smells of intrigue doesn’t it? I rather suspect a situation similar to that in The Ordinary Princess, where the King and Queen were so desperate to marry off their daughter, they actually discussed hiring a dragon to take her captive in the hopes that some dashing young prince would come rushing to the rescue and be forced to marry her!

How about this one?

Wanted: Burglar, Gillian Bronte Adams, Of Battles Dragons and Swords of Adamant, the Hobbit

Pretty sure I would have answered that advertisement. Not sure what that says about me though …

Wanted: Rumplestiltskin, Gillian Bronte Adams, Of Battles Dragons and Swords of Adamant

Any educated guesses as to which fairy tale character might have placed this services advertisement? I guarantee you won’t want to hire this fellow. Turns out a “guarantee of future trade” is generally not such a good deal.

We’re barely scraping the tip of the iceberg here! What are some fun fantasy/fairy tale advertisements you can think of?


  1. Rumplestiltskin! :)

    Hmmm, I've got nothing. Probably because it's before 9am. But I look forward to reading what everyone else comes up with!

    1. And the prize goes to ... Jenelle! Well done. :)

  2. LOL, loved these. The last one is definitely Rumplestiltskin.
    Working on coming up with one of these; I'll comment again when I do.

  3. Wanted: To train the Chosen One, a wise mentor with lifelong experience in self-defence. Skills in magic are preferred, but not required. The ability to turn a deep idea or truth into a short phrase is an asset.

    The position could be a long and difficult one, as the Chosen One is naïve and incompetent, and there is a small chance of survival past the Black Moment.

    However, the reward is a great one, knowing that your (sacrifice) teaching can save the kingdom.

    Apply at the Falderal Farms; ask for ‘the guy who cleans out the barn’.

    1. This is AWESOME, Blue. XD

    2. This is a great one, Blue! Love it. Especially the part about the pithy statements and the Chosen One's incompetence. :)

  4. Oh, my, just love it. Your posts always make my day :) Way too creative to handle!

    1. Glad you enjoyed it! I confess, I may have broken into a fit of laughter once or twice while writing ... or trying to write ... this post. I was having way too much fun. :)

  5. I was going to comment the answer, and then I realized other people already did. :( ;)


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